PRESTON, 51, EAST HAVEN, CT
Gender Projected
How old are you, and where are you from?
51. The Bronx, NY.
How would you identify your gender?
Transman.
Why did you want to be involved in the project?
I wanted to do it to support my community.
How do you generally present?
Male. All over the place.
What was your journey of figuring out clothes that made you feel comfortable?
As a young kid, I always fought my mother about wearing dresses. Growing up, I wore a lot of sweat pants. My mother bought me as much boyish stuff as she would allow. I was born in ‘64 and no one knew what trans was. I had to fight. I had a sister that was younger than me and we used to dress alike, braid hair alike, etc. I think in all my pictures I had a frown on my face because I was in tights or pantyhouse or something like that. By the time I was a teenager, I wore less girly clothing. My father gave me $2 a week in allowance, and I used to save my money to buy sneakers and other stuff that I wanted to buy.
In your life, was there another time you explored/experimented with gender identity/expression? If so, what type of experience was it?
I used to fight it all the time. I only started transitioning 8-9 years ago - started testosterone and had chest surgery - but prior to that, I shaved my head, I dressed like this. The beard and all that started 8-9 years ago, but I was seen as a man before that. I transitioned at my job. I still get the occasional ‘she,’ but I don’t correct anybody because there are too many people (my workplace has around 400-500 people). When they say ‘she’ or ‘her’ or ‘what’s up, girl?” I just don’t respond. I felt comfortable transitioning at work because prior to me there was a MTF that transitioned on the job. It made me feel more comfortable. But I would have done it anyway. I asked people at work to practice my name change before I got it legally changed.
What keeps you from presenting the way you feel most comfortable if anything?
Nothing. The only thing that stopped me in the past was when I was younger and I couldn’t afford to buy my own stuff.
What part of your body did you feel most insecure about during the process? Was there a certain outfit you felt uncomfortable wearing because of that?
My stomach because of the scars. Those were unwanted scars. I love the scars on my chest but not the ones on my stomach.
What do you feel is the most salient aspect of your identity (the part that shows the most on the outside despite the clothes you are wearing)? How do you feel that this part of your identity was represented and/or misrepresented in this project?
Piercings. People saw my face with all my piercings and they see me as unapproachable, but really inside I am just a bear. Sometimes, I would be doing training with people I work with and they would say, “Oh, you are such a nice person.” Some people I work with after years will come up to me and say, “I was always afraid to come up to you.”
What do you feel is the aspect of your identity that you think about the most? How do you feel that this part of your identity was represented and/or misrepresented in this project?
When my transmale friends were all getting chest surgery, I was thinking about gender a lot. I couldn’t afford it. I was a large-breasted black woman, and I had to bind and it was hot, and I had to wear layers. I had a full beard at that point and I just wanted to get rid of them. But I was quoted that chest surgery was going to cost me $10,000. I am still one of those people that lives paycheck to paycheck. So I was depressed, and I had never contemplated suicide, but I did at that time. A couple of my friends payed for their own, and a couple of my friends’ parents paid for it. My parents were always supportive, but to ask them to pay for it, that was not going to happen. It was really bothering me. But finally, for chest surgery, my doctor put the codes through for a surgery for men who have large breasts so that it was covered by insurance. My primary care provider has fought for me from Day 1.